Sounders Win Despite Best Efforts

Oz is a beast.

I'm going to confess something here, right now, because I need to get it out in the open, and what I need to confess is this: unless my team is destroying its opposition, I don't find watching soccer at all enjoyable. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's downright agonizing. Such was the Sounders game against the Colorado Rapids last night, when we scored in the second minute, conceded a goal two minutes later, scored again late in the second half, and then spent the last 20 minutes of the game running about like it was our first day on the job while the Rapids, as our former announcer would say, "loitered with intent" in the goal box, pummeling us with shots. I spent the entire second half digging my fingernails into my palms as if expecting to find treasure. My hands were shaking. My cheeks were burning. With five minutes left I looked over at my mom and she was leaning forward in her seat, her hands clasped in front of her in what resembled prayer. When the whistle blew I realized I'd been holding my breath for a truly impressive length of time. "What does it feel like to have a heart attack?" I asked my mom, releasing the tension in my fingers and sliding back onto my seat. "Put your hands up," she told me, "and breath."

See what I mean? Not enjoyable at all. Watching soccer is the most stressful way I could possibly spend a Saturday evening. So what did I do to relax? Made some quinoa salad and sat down to watch more soccer. You see, it's fine when I don't care who wins.