So That Happened

Once again I bring you the finer moments of my life exactly seven years after they happened. And by "seven years" I mean a few months. Same thing.

A guy from the heating company came out to fix our furnace a few months ago and was oddly eager to make small talk. First he asked if my husband was at work. I should mention that he was at our house two weeks ago and talked to my father, a man old enough to be--obviously--my father. I corrected him, and seeing that his first question went off so well, he then he asked how old I was. (I appreciated that he did not attempt to tell me how old I am, as we all know what happens when people do that.) When I answered him he suggested that I give his son a call. Here is what I learned about this son:
1. He's 26.
2. His girlfriend of three years just left him.
3. He works at QFC.
4. He has a condo in Mukilteo with a pool that backs up to the golf course.
5. "He doesn't have a lot of friends," the heating guy explained, "so I always try to find him people who..." "Who also don't have a lot of friends?" I asked. He pretended to busy himself looking for a pen in his shirt pocket (honestly, how long does it take to realize there isn't one?), which I took as a yes. Fantastic, I thought. Even people who have only spent 20 minutes with me know I have no friends. Is it just some vibe I'm giving off? I really don't understand.

My mom and I got our first smart phones a few months ago and my mom has been spending some time trying to learn how hers works. Yesterday she decided that the call volume was too low, and rather than ask me to help she thought she'd tackle the issue on her own. How did she do this? She used her cell to call the house phone, which hangs on the wall in the kitchen. When it rang she shouted, "Don't answer that, it's just me!" Assuming she was just practicing how to place a call, which is totally something she would practice, I didn't think anything of it. That is, until she marched into the kitchen, cell in hand, picked up the home phone and, with a device in each ear, said "Hello?"

In the past two weeks I have started getting calls on my cell multiple times in the middle of the night from the Orange Cab Company in Seattle. I have received five such calls, at ungodly times ranging from 12:03am to 5:37am. I never answer because I am sleeping--that pesky thing I do sometimes--but I always wake up when my phone rings. When I get up in the morning I have as many messages as missed calls, all with the prerecorded message: "Your cab has arrived." My mom has taken to asking me when I come down for breakfast if I had a good cab ride. My most recent notification call came during the Oscars, and when I told my mom who was calling she looked toward the window and asked, "Do you think there's actually a cab out there?" I laughed...but was there?