So That Happened

I was scanning the Spanish section of the library the other day and stumbled upon a small yellowing paperback copy of Cuentos de Grimm. Perfect, I thought. A book of children's fairytales couldn't be all that impossible to read.  Oh, but it could. In four pages of Blancanieve y Encarnadarosa, a tale about two sisters who encounter a dwarf in the woods who does not like to have his beard cut*, I had to look up three and a half notebook pages' worth of vocab words. And unfortunately, we're talking college-ruled. I won't shame myself further by giving you a number, but I think you're all bright enough to know that that's practically more words than are in the story.

*Some other things happened in this tale that I did not include in my synopsis for the sake of brevity. Many other things happened that I did not include because I have no earthly idea what they were.

Last weekend I babysat my brother's best friend's son--a five-year-old who insisted on carving his pumpkin with a can opener. That went about as well as you might imagine.

Desmodus Vena, my brother's winery, had its annual grape crush last weekend. While cooking enchiladas with my mom, I stepped away from the kitchen for a moment to grab something from my room. I walked in to find my light on and a four-year-old staring at my fishbowl. Of the things you expect to see when you enter your own bedroom, that's generally not high up on the list.

Here are some conversations I had with small children this past week:

Kid: How old are you?
Me: Twenty-three.
Kid: That's old. Are you married?
Me: No I am not. Should I be?
Kid: Duh.

Kid: Are you new here?
Me: Yes.
Kid: I mean to the United States.
Me: Seriously? I don't look like I was born here?
Kid: No.
Me: Where do I look like I was born?
Kid: Russia.

Kids: Can we make an announcement?
Me: Yes.
Kids: Everyone, we have drawings over here that we're selling for free.

I wrote the following in my journal on October 26th: "Michael has spent the evening melting wax in a mug of hot water to make 'sexy devil teeth' for his Halloween costume. My mom has carved four pumpkins in the span of a single episode of Criminal Minds. My dad watched his bagel cook the entire time it was in the toaster oven. And me, I wasted a half-hour of my life voting for MLS Goal of the Year...so I've got that going for me." If I ever ask you to explain to me why I'm alone, I think that last sentence should just about cover it.

I submit this photograph as irrefutable proof that my cat is officially the cutest thing in the entire world.