My Best Options

Thank you, Craigslist, for alerting me to the fact that while I have a generally upbeat spirit and a college degree, I'm really only valuable because of my anatomy. (That, or I'll have to become a dentist.) It looks like I'll be sacrificing my dreams of travel writing for the following offerings from this fantastically heartening list:

1. YOUNG WOMAN WITH JEWISH HERITAGE URGENTLY NEEDED $8,000. Maybe it's just me, but whenever a statement can be read as either a job listing or an obituary headline, a little red flag goes way up. Plus I'm only half Jewish. And probably infertile (thanks to an incident in high school involving a backward-moving chair with me behind it).

2. Egg Donors and Surrogates. On the bright side, as of three days ago I officially meet the age requirement for carrying someone else's child. Question: Does anyone actually use Craigslist for services like this?

3. Native Castilian Spanish speakers needed for voice recordings. I knew my extensive knowledge of the "One Semester of Spanish" Spanish Love Song would come in handy in my professional life. (And would you believe that I actually do live in a casa roja?)

4. Swedish speaking Baby Sitter Needed. No sweat--I've been to Ikea. (I just have to say how much I love that all this listing is really looking for is a toddler who can speak and sit and who identifies as Swedish.)

5. Sad? Only because this is my best chance at a job.

6. IF YOU LOIVE TO CLEAN, THIS IS THE JOB FOR YOU. According to Urban Dictionary, "loive" is "a nebulous word. It's a rather interesting cross between like and love... After all, quite a few relationships develop slowly, and once one surpasses the realm of like, it is naturally inhibitory to continue to use the same word to describe a deeper feeling." I'm not sure if I loive to clean, but I definitely loive that this post asks for someone with "good English skills."

7. Lead Parking Attendant/Lot Enforcement. I saw The Parking Lot Movie. That's right. This is what unemployment does to me; it makes watching a documentary on parking lot attendants in Charlottesville, Virginia sound like the most reasonable and appealing way to spend two hours of my life.

8. Hopeless? I'm sensing a theme...

And there you have it, folks: eight reasons why I will be driven to an early grave. Goodbye, travel writing dreams. Hello, surrogacy.