Google Scribe: Shoot Me Now

I am an avid supporter of all things NPR. Several weeks ago I stumbled upon the Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! blog which is, in my opinion, the Internet's single greatest offering. Wait Wait's latest post, the link to which is here, details the ridiculousness of Google Scribe. In case you are unenlightened about this phenomenon, Google Scribe is a service that offers words and phrases to you as you type. Maybe it's just me, but that doesn't even sound useful.

Inspired by Wait Wait's Ian Chillag, I spent more time than I care to admit playing with Google Scribe by entering common quotes (including offerings by Shakespeare, Dickens, Frost, and Dickinson) just to see what would happen. Needless to say, I am quite pleased with the results. (Note: I have italicized the original quotes for those who may be unfamiliar with them. I have also taken the liberty of bolding my favorites.)

"Out, damned spotted at the airport and then take them to their owners."

"Et tu, Brute Force Programs, Mail Bombers and Spam Scripts."

"Frailty, thy name is woman owned and operated by the Association for Computing Machinery and Intelligence Services Act of Ontario."

"How all occasions do inform against meningococcal disease in the United States and Canada."

"Alas, poor Yorick, I knew I was going to be able to see this on the map."

"A dagger of the mind, a false creation of any new or existing listing on eBay Stores."

"Do not go gentle into that good night's sleep and are not endorsed by or affiliated with Google in any way."

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'ma keep it real."

"Because I could not stop for death, He kindly stopped for me and my family and friends."

"Houston, we have also included another software solution that includes healthcare compliance software and effective risk management solutions."

I don't think I could be more excited by a Google invention. I think what I am appalled by love most about this whole concept is the bastardization of classic lines by technological and gangster colloquialisms. I mean, since when is "I'ma" an appropriate contraction of "I'm going to"? You're on crack, Google Scribe. What a powerful tool to add to our list of things that make no sense at all.

Addendum: It has come to my attention that no one may understand this post. Lest I confuse my readership any more than is absolutely necessary, allow me to explain by using this simple four-step process:

1. Go to Google Scribe.

2. Type in a word or phrase.

3. Hit "Tab" to select the word they suggest. The more times you hit it, the more words they'll insert.

4. Laugh.