The start of the school year is nearly upon as. As I savor the final glorious golden days until I go back to work, I needed a little reminder that being a human Kleenex for a living is not always terrible. Every day there are gems like these just waiting to be uttered:
"It's not my best, but it's my fifth or sixth best."
L: I've been to the North Pole.
Me: No you haven't.
L: Yes I have. I found a direct flight from Seattle for $9 million.
"Look, Ms. Margoshes! I brought something to help me with my math!" -S, holding up a calculator
"Cutting people in half is considered rude."
"Look at my finger! It's yellow! You know why? Because my guts are leaking through. You never know--your guts could be yellow."
"It's not bragging if you only say it twice."
"This is Bugtopia. Here is Buglington National Cemetery...and Steakhouse."
C: Ms. Margoshes, is showing your belly button at school inappropriate?
Me: You should probably leave your shirt where it is.
C: Yeah. Once is fine but a lot of times can get pretty gross.
"I'm a legit monkey!"
"Look at this giant pinecone! It's science!"
"You know when dogs die and people put them in boxes and set them on fire and then they turn into coal?"
"She should have a bling bling. That's a big necklace with a B on it."
"My Elf on a Shelf was on the very top of the curtains this morning. That's how I knew she was real--because my parents can't reach that high."
"But if our parents are Santa, that means they're the ones eating the cookies we put out. That's ridiculous."
"No offense, but you can't erase colored pencil."
Me: If you have one apple, can you take six away?
Me: So what do you do?
C: ...Buy more apples?
"My car insurance is Liberty Neutral."
"My dad is smarter than you are. He saw a muskrat."
"I wanted my nose to be the record of tallness." -C, when asked why he had a ruler on his face
K: Do dragons live in volcanoes?
J1: Dragon's aren't real.
J2: Some people think they were.
A: I've seen videos.
A: I told my mom I wanted to be back by Sunday.
Me: You don't want to miss more school?
A: I don't want to miss church. Sometimes there are doughnuts.
A: Can I go to the library? I need to find out something.
A: If cows are endangered.
G: I kind of have a dog.
N: Kind of?
G: Yeah, we sort of gave up on her.
S: My superpower would be wizard shaving.
Me: Do I want to know what that is?
S: Probably not.
"I'm a nice kid. Except yesterday I bit my grandma."
N: S, where's your sock?
S (shrugging): It must be the in the library.
"The good part about dying is that there are flowers and people carry you. The bad part is they bury you in the ground and in a year you're dust."