A Jumble

Some recent thoughts:

1. I think I have fleas.

2. It is 972 degrees in my house.

3. I was in an alarming mood one day a couple weeks ago and chose to spend my evening watching YouTube videos of soccer players dying on the pitch. Even more horrifying (if you can believe that there could be something more horrifying) was the fact that I had only typed "soccer player" into the YouTube search bar when the autofill finished with "dies on field."

4. I am currently in a cafe, and the man at the table next to me is in the midst of a full-on business crisis. He has been on the phone with numerous people (he is now taking a call from Betsy), frantically trying to get a hold of Sharon. This Sharon is quite elusive, let me tell you. Even the magic words, "This is an emergency, Kyle, have her call me" don't seem to produce the desired effect. He is now pacing worriedly through Teen Non-Fiction and I'm pretty sure I just saw him turn down the Romance aisle on purpose. Ooh, something is happening in court. Or on court. He could very well mean a tennis court. Or a racquetball court. I have no idea. And there is a man on the other side of the cafe who looks like Walter White from Breaking Bad.

5. I don't need experience to be an "Experienced Naturopath," do I? Or I could be a "Line Cook II" at the Gold Mountain Golf Course in Bremerton. No! I could be an instructor with Dizzy's Tumblebus! That sounds exciting and dangerous.

6. I just found a Craigslist ad for a restaurant in Ballard looking for a prep cook with no experience necessary. On the right-hand side of the page, where they post the caveats of the job, they list "contract job," "internship," "non-profit organization," and, most puzzling and delightful of all, "telecommuting okay."

7. It took me a full 20 minutes, much of which was spent staring at the bookshelf next to me, to realize that the Religion section has been replaced with Humor. I saw a Dave Barry book and rather than think, "Huh, I wonder if someone misshelved this," I thought, "I didn't know he wrote religion." Even seeing the titles "SRSLY, WTF?" and "The Zombie Survival Guide" did nothing to tip me off. I like to think that some minuscule part of my brain registered that something was amiss, but it certainly didn't tell me. t think it was eventually the Archie comics, on the top shelf, that naturally drew my gaze upward to the giant "HUMOR" sign above the shelving unit. Oh my god, and the comfy chairs are gone! What is happening to this place?