Cleaning Out My Closet

Some things that must be addressed:

1. Luis Suárez. Oh, Luis Suárez. What the hell is wrong with you? The Uruguayan striker has been banned from all soccer-related activities for four months, in addition to receiving a nine-game ban from international play, for biting his opponent. Again. (He was issued bans for ten and seven games for two prior instances of the same offense.) Yes, you read that right: This is the third time he's faced punishment for sinking his buck teeth into someone else during a soccer match. Perhaps my favorite part of this story was that he claimed he "tripped" and hit his face against Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder. You can't make this shit up!

In addition to the FIFA ban, I vote that Suárez has to wear the Cone of Shame indefinitely. 

2. Hope Solo's arrest. There's no denying that as a goalkeeper, Solo is nothing short of brilliant. She's a two-time Olympic gold medalist and has, as of last week, tied the all-time U.S. record for shutouts. She has worked hard to get where she is, and she deserves credit for that. What she does not deserve credit for, though, is how she has, in my opinion, abused her platform as a professional athlete and a role model. She is seemingly endlessly mired in controversy both on and off the field. In the 2007 World Cup semifinal loss to Brazil (4-0), Solo was passed over in favor of veteran goalie Briana Scurry. After the loss, Solo publicly criticized her coach's decision to bench her and attacked Scurry's athletic ability, saying "It was the wrong decision, and I think anybody that knows anything about the game knows that. There's no doubt in my mind I would've made those saves." What is a girl, like my young cousin who's an incredible goalie and loves Hope Solo, supposed to take from a comment like that? That it's okay to disrespect your mentors and peers when you don't get what you want? In 2012, Solo married former Seahawks tight end Jerramy Stevens who himself is unworthy of his role model status. Rape accusations, DUIs, felony battery charges, possession of illegal substances, and, the day before he and Solo were married, he was arrested on charges of assaulting Solo in their Kirkland home. Now it's Solo who's been booked on two counts of fourth-degree domestic violence assault against her sister and 17-year-old nephew. It makes me sick to my stomach that this is the kind of woman young girls aspire to be like. I don't want my cousin growing up thinking that this is how she will succeed.

3. On an entirely unrelated note, check out my orchid! This little guy (named Little Yedlin Boy after Sounders and USMNT defender DeAndre Yedlin) was centimeters from death when I brought him to the island, and now look at him go!

4. Syd found this poor tiny baby swallow dead on the studio floor, directly below its nest in the eaves. I constructed a coffin out of cardboard from the shipping room and decorated it with markers. Janet and I picked flowers, sang it a little song, and I buried the little guy out behind the rhododendrons. (I may or may not have written a quote from Hamlet on the coffin lid. I think I've found the new #1 reason why I will die alone.)