Cleaning Out My Closet

Recently I was making some format changes to my blog when I came across a number of half-finished posts that I never published. Most of them were about my insistence that I can see air molecules, or that during my CSI-obsessed senior year of high school I could lift a fingerprint from a glass jar and analyze someone's handwriting (true story!). The rest of the posts were inane and entirely irrelevant after months spent collecting cyber dust on my unpublished post queue. Naturally those are the ones I'm going to share with you today, along with some more recent stories thrown in to keep you from rebelling.

1. I was channel surfing the other evening and was intrigued to discover a show called Russia's Toughest Prisons. It was captivating...for all of thirteen seconds until the inmate being interviewed was asked to describe, in gory detail, how he harvested and cooked his dead cellmate's thigh. Seinfeld it is.

2. Taffy was doing her morning ritual of sprawling across the crossword right as I'm about to start on it, and my dad stooped down to pick something up off the kitchen floor. "Forget something, Taff?" he asked, and held out a long white whisker. When he tried to stick it back on her face she attacked.

3. In 2007, the lead singer of my favorite band (Pat Monahan of Train) released a solo album with a song entitled "Two Ways to Say Goodbye." He later rejoined the band and they recently released their newest CD. It features a song called "50 Ways to Say Goodbye." Did it really take them five years to come up with 48 more ways?

4. "Did you know that 5/8 is only just the tiniest bit bigger than 3/5? I figured that out in the bath." -Mom

5. It took me two months to notice that my first name was misspelled on my debit card.

 These next three are Work Chronicles stories but I'm too lazy to make an entirely new post...

6. A couple months ago at work we had the kids write down their definitions of the words "love" and "happiness." One girl wrote "Happiness is when I read." One question: What kind of jail time would one count of kidnapping get me?

7. "I'm so thirsty I could eat lemonade!" (Somebody get this girl some liquid STAT!)

8. J: Tomorrow is officially the first day of summer!
    E: Then why is it sunny today?