All in a Saturday's Work

I had what I would call a mediumly productive Saturday. I went for a run, vacuumed my room, took out my garbage, mowed the lawn, and cleaned the fishbowl (after which Rosencrantz and Guildenstern floated melodramatically to the top of the bowl, as they do every week after, as if the change in the water's bacterial levels was debilitating to their fragile fins. Wusses.) My mom and I watched the LA/Sporting Kansas City game, and after SKC kicked the Galaxy where the stars don't shine I ran some errands.

The LA/SKC game, along with this weekend's Sounders game against DC United, made for some shining moments of humor that were enough to keep me, a raving lunatic when my boys don't win, from hurling my empty bowl of popcorn at the TV screen after we tied. (That's right: We didn't win and I wasn't pissed. Look at me go.) Three of such moments are the following:

1. One of the DC United players goes by the name Perry Kitchen. Unfortunately for him, when this name is spoken aloud by pretty much any person in any circumstance it sounds mighty close to "Harry Kitchen." "I wouldn't want to cook there," I said, and my mom followed that up at halftime by suggesting that we call him "Furry Kitten." She seemed pretty proud of this nickname until the second half when she decided that he should actually be called "The Stove." I suggested "The Blender." We felt very happy of ourselves. (For those of you who didn't catch that reference, I implore you to watch this video of a little boy who has just learned how to ride his bike. No need to thank me.)

2. Maicon Santos, one of DC's top players, had shaved the sides of his head to create the beginnings of a mohawk. (And when I say "mohawk" I'm being generous. His hair was already so short that his 'do just looked like a stripe down the center of his scalp that was just a shade darker than the skin around it.) My mom and I attempted a couple jokes at the expense of this hair, but it wasn't until the cameras showed him catching his breath while an ad for DQ chicken strips flashed across the bottom of the screen that my brother shouted "Chicken Strip!" and the camera panned in on Santos's head. Cue raucous laughter for the next seven minutes.

Also, can we agree as a country--and really, a soccer universe--to be over David Beckham? Yes, he's an incredible athlete. Yes, he has the build and features of a Greek god. But really, is there anyone who doesn't know that? Is he really news anymore? Can we please just cool it on Beckham? Thanks.