So That Happened

Lest you think my life had begun to take the shape of normalcy, here is the latest list of things that could only possibly happen to me: 

1. I cut myself six times while shaving. New personal best.

2. Our bathroom door has recently begun to swell; instead of being able to click it shut, all you can do is push really hard until it wedges itself into the jamb. I went in a couple weeks ago to take a shower, and I pushed the door snugly closed. What do you think happened approximately four seconds later? My cat, Taffy the Linebacker, who had been crying for me to open the door, barged her way in using just her head and brute body weight. That thing is indestructible. Taffy, that is. I think the door is dented.

3. My internet has been acting strangely lately, mainly with regards to the Facebook. Sometimes when I click on a link on my profile or homepage, I will be taken to a random website, most often one I have never seen. This morning I clicked on my profile and was immediately redirected to a Craigslist job listing for an entry level retail position at Value Village. Thank you, universe. You're coming in loud and clear. 

4. I went to the bookstore the other morning, as I do every morning, to job search. I realized it was time to go home when I found that I had memorized the layout of Bibles on the top shelf of the Religion and Spirituality section and I had not applied for a single job.

5. I was boiling water for tea a few days ago and went upstairs to watch the season finale of Teen Mom 2 look for jobs. Out of earshot of the kitchen, I couldn't hear the kettle whistle. Thirty minutes later, though, I heard my mom come inside from her studio and turn off the burner. I ran down the stairs--I mean bolted--and when I got to the kitchen, the once-red tea kettle was entirely black, completely empty, and had melted onto the fiery coils of the burner. It suddenly made sense why no one is hiring me. I can't even boil water. If there was ever a case for court-mandated adult supervision, this would be it.

6. I was having a rough morning today, so I went to my cat for a little sympathy. She bit me on the shoulder.