20 Things I Wish I'd Known Prior to Arrival in a Foreign Country

20. Words like "cute" and "precious" would be endlessly mocked by my Australian friends.
19. Whipped cream would exist in all places except the grocery store.
18. The library would evidently discourage studying on weekends, as it closes at 5 (which is generally before I even realize that I have work to do).
17. A large portion of my television shows online would be unavailable to audiences outside the U.S.

16. I'd have to mortgage my parents' house to pay for a bottle of lotion that actually helped with dry skin (don't worry Mom and Dad...I didn't!)
15. "Nose Goes" would be horribly misconstrued by my favorite tutor to suggest that I was volunteering to lead a class discussion on my definition of radical fiction.

14. I would not have access to an oven.
13. I would not be able to bake cookies. See 14.
12. If I wanted a chai or hot chocolate on a gloomy Sunday afternoon, I would have to make it myself because there would be no cafes open to make it for me.
11. An almost-hot sunny afternoon would transform into a full-on apocalyptic thunderstorm in approximately four seconds.
10. Pancakes would naturally adopt the consistency of flabby skin.

9. Australians would swallow the article in an average sentence--as in, "I'm going to hospital" rather than "I'm going to the hospital"--and then deny such a nuance of their speech.
8. Buying a piece of ginger would cost me my first-born. Because I do not yet have a first born, I have taken out an IOU. I now owe my own flesh and blood to a squat Italian vendor with a lisp at the Queen Victoria Market.

7. Milk would be labeled in terms of its projected effects on your physique. (Non-fat = skinny; whole = full).
6. The phrase "Who do you root for?" would suddenly turn dirty.
5. My today would be everyone else's tomorrow.
4. In terms of cars, Elf was right: the yellow ones really don't stop.

3. My cat would not recognize me through my Skype webcam.
2. It would take me six months to locate the cage-free eggs in Woolworths.
1. There would, unfortunately, be NO kangaroos hopping up and down the sidewalks in the middle of the city.