Hello, Future

A few years ago I wrote a post about some of the most glorious job postings I found while searching the bowels of the internet for employment. Back by popular demand (by which I mean I'm the majority of my own readership and I demanded it), here is an updated list. It should be noted that while only some of these are writing-related, all of them were found under the search terms "writer" and "writing."

Paleo Writer for Holistic Acne Blog
I have no clue what this means, but I find it imperative to hold this position!

Hose Crimper
I accidentally closed out of the tab right after I saw the posting, and since I didn't remember the exact title of the job I had to start a new search with the word "hose." And this wasn't even the first one.

Cannabis and Basketball site needs writers
I just love that this is one site.

Recreational Budtender at Grass
How much would you give to be able to say, "Yes, I tend bud recreationally."

Senior Program Officer, Enteric & Diarrheal Diseases Job
I'll take the part before the comma.

Merchandiser at Specialty Store Services
This one included the following: "[Job] requires tearing covers from magazines and throwing the body of the magazines into the proper trash/recycle receptacle."

Journeyman Plumber
I smell a children's book.

Summer nanny in Sammamish
I have taken the liberty of bolding my favorite parts of this job description: "Christian family looking for energetic nanny to keep 10 & 12 y.o. kids active outdoors over summer...Both children have food allergies (gluten, dairy, egg, oranges, pineapple, sunshine)...Ability to teach skateboarding and break-dancing a bonus but not required...Prefer someone interested in outdoors, nature, bugs, salamanders, frogs, hiking, biking, etc." Additional note (from me): I definitely think the thing to do with children who are allergic to sunshine is to force them to stay outside for the entire summer.

That's all I've got for now. I'll keep (both of) you posted on which of the above jobs I choose as my future career. Fingers crossed for Diarrhea Officer.

All About That Book

I think my heart is about to explode all over the floor.

Poetry Corner Whenever-I-Feel-Like-It

Happy National Poetry Month, everybody!


Awakening

Robert Bly


We are approaching sleep: the chestnut blossoms in the mind
Mingle with thoughts of pain
And the long roots of barley, bitterness
As of the oak roots staining the water dark
In Louisiana, the wet streets soaked with rain
And sodden blossoms; out of this
We have come, a tunnel softly hurtling into darkness.

The storm is coming. The small farmhouse in Minnesota
Is hardly strong enough for the wind.
Darkness, darkness in grass, darkness in trees.
Even the water in wells trembles.
Bodies give off darkness, and chrysanthemums
Are dark, and horses, who are bearing great loads of hay
To the deep barns where the dark air is moving from corners.

Lincoln's statue, and the traffic. From the long past
Into the long present
A bird, forgotten in these troubles, warbling,
As the great wheel turns around, grinding
The living in water.
Washing, continual washing, in water now stained
With blossoms and rotting logs,
Cries, half-muffled, from beneath the earth, the living awakened
                                                                       at last like the dead.